Therapeutic Influences
Terry Real |
Relational Life Therapy
My couples therapy approach is based on the work of Terry Real. His model of Relational Life Therapy is unique to other couples models in that it quickly addresses the dysfunctional patterns in the couple relationship and helps people develop relational skills they did not learn growing up.
He is the author of several groundbreaking books, including How Can I Get Through To You, I Don’t Want To Talk About It, and The New Rules of Marriage. His forthcoming book, US consciousness will be out in spring 2022.
He has been a practicing family therapist for more than thirty years and has lectured and given workshops across the country.
About Relational Life Therapy
Relational Life Therapy (RLT) is a very direct coaching model of couples counseling that aims to help partners resolve conflicts, develop personal accountability, improve communication, and foster intimacy within their relationship. This model is different from many models in that it directly addresses relational problems by “joining through the truth” where the therapist talks directly to each partner about their contributions to problems in the marriage. Couples typically see movement within the first few sessions.
A clear summary of Relational Life Therapy can be found in the Sounds True audiobook Fierce Intimacy.
Says Terry Real, "For most of us, learning to live relationally—practicing relational mindfulness, living with boundaries, exhibiting healthy self-esteem, committing to full-respect living, trading in five losing strategies for five winning ones—takes a few years. I tell clients it’s on a par with learning any complex skill in adulthood, like how to ski or play the piano. That’s the bad news. But there are a couple of pieces of good news as well. First, you needn’t spend those three to five years in therapy. RLT therapy generally lasts a matter of weeks, not months or years. The practice of relational mindfulness occurs mostly outside the office, and after a time, the client begins to work through his or her own process. Second, the practice of stopping oneself, taking a breath, and changing course allows us to begin using all of the skills involved in learning to live relationally, and these skills, starting with relational mindfulness itself, are so effective and so wildly different from what happens in the culture at large that even doing them badly will transform our relationships."
Relational Life Therapy will help you to….
Make powerful insights, sustain lasting change and integrate healthy new relational skills into your daily life.
Address your most troubling issues head on and target your problem behaviors, underlying core issues and past traumas.
Move back into connection, work through infidelity and trust issues, increase intimacy, improve communication, and deepen relational integrity.
Hold yourselves, each other, and your relationship in warm regard.
Terri Delaney is a certified Relational Life Therapy Therapist, and she can help your relationship work. The first session is usually a two-hour assessment, where at the end of that meeting, Terri will give you her take on relational dynamics and “losing strategies” each of you are employing.
She comes to this work honestly, having used this style of therapy to help in her own 20+ year marriage. This is a coaching model, where she will be direct, hands-on, and engaged with you in the process of interrupting your problematic relational patterns. Once you agree on a plan together, she will offer you a template for what works in relationships and how to grow your wise adult self.
This model targets not just current relational dynamics and pressing issues impacting your partnership, but also the root causes including past traumas and family of origin patterns. In this way, you are supported in changing your relational template. This change is not just for your marriage, but also how you relate to yourself, your kids, and even your adult parents. Relational skills are modeled and Terri will support you in integrating these new ways of interacting in your life.